Free Falling

U is for UNPREPARED for losing Maggie
The bus ran off the road on Friday, it started off like any other day. Had I known it would end like it did I would have not spent so much time working on the computer and would have skipped my volunteer shift on Thursday. I would have made more time to stroke her head and tell her what an incredible companion she has been since the day I brought her home from the pound. She was always so funny, smart, so undemanding, loyal and devoted but independent, so if I was busy working she was totally content. We had our rhythm, which after living ten years 24/7 together is no surprise.
She had been having some difficulties, and was hardly eating, and drinking more water than normal so I called the vet and scheduled an appointment for 3.
She had been to the vet in December but saw a new vet who said the lump in her side Dave felt was just a full bladder, took no x-rays or showed any concern despite our worries that she was kind of lethargic. But she had lost BuBu 5 months previously, and we all were still recovering that loss.
Friday was different, our regular vet felt her swollen belly, immediately took an x-ray and she was in surgery 15 minutes later. She said she probably wouldn't have made it through the weekend. I prayed for a miracle but when the vet came out, I only had to look at the expression of pain on her face to know I had lost her. It was cancer and it had spread to her liver.
I still feel heartbroken I had less than five minutes to say goodbye, I was so not prepared. In my worst nightmare, never would I have thought I would be taking her to the vet that day and not bringing her home.
Now there is a giant hole in my life and heart and I am still falling into it.